Destress, relax, get over it

Hello!

I have a two parter post for you today. The first part will be about two lovely products from Lily Flame, and the second will be a little more personal. Let's start with a review!

I was recently invited to the opening of a super cute Slovenian store, Babushka. Even though we left with a goodie bag, I couldn't resist picking up two things from Lily Flame.

I saw some candles in Babushka and made a beeline for them, obviously. Out of all the scents, I loved Powder Puff the most. What a unique, girly and pretty scent! It smells like baby powder and makeup I used to steal from my mom's closet. It's a love or hate scent, and you should smell it before buying (awesome excuse to go to Babushka, right?). The candle was around 11€, and I also picked up a Room Mist from the same brand in the scent Fairy Dust.

Another unusual scent, definitely powdery, but a little sweet and very comforting to me. It was the same price as the candle and I think it's a bargain because you get 100 ml of product. These kinds of scents comfort me and help me sleep better, and they've really helped me destress.

Time for part two... Why am I so stressed?

I've debated talking about this on my blog. I've debated even keeping my blog. I feel a huge disconnect, as I've mentioned before. I feel... inadequate.

I haven't spoken about my job a lot, which is really a shame. I'm a full time author, but I use a pen name (or 27). It's a job I've wanted since I was a kid, but everyone told me it was impossible. It's not, and dare I say it pays very well, too. :) Understandably, with producing one novel per month I'm really busy. My typing has gotten so fast I can hammer out 4000 words in an hour if I'm so inclined. My imagination is going to burst. I'm inspired. In that area of my life, I'm really, really happy.

Then comes the blogging. Something that had helped me tremendously when I was a teenager with no friends, no hopes. And now?

Makeup is stressful to me. The pressure to look pretty is too fucking much. To be perfect all the time, go to events and mingle, be a version of me I haven't been in years. I feel not worthy. I've started hoarding makeup because I've gotten so fat clothes won't fit, so I'll just buy lipstick instead. Why? I don't go anywhere, anyway.

My life is actually really, really damn lonely. Most days are spent working, 12+ hours a day. When I'm not working, I'm thinking about work. Need to write that, need to book that promotion, need to get that cover made. It's a stress factor I don't mind, I think it's fun. The stress is producing contect for NFR and being a match for all the new bloggers who are, I feel, so much better than me. So I've been quiet, haven't gone to events, just holed myself up and stuck my head in the sand.

I think I'll have to make some big changes in the new year. I need to take better care of myself, I need to sort my priorities and make time for my blogging as well. It needs to be a hobby again, not a stress factor. I need to get better.

My life isn't perfect, I'm definitely not perfect. And I feel like everyone's waiting for me to break. To just say, ha - knew she couldn't handle it. Well, I think I can. And I don't want to complain how shitty my life is while to someone else, I might be living the dream. I just need to get myself in order.

This has been a whole lot of nonsense and not a lot of help. I wanted to finish by asking you to understand. I'm a very apologetic person. Leave me a mean comment and I'll put on a brave face, then cry about it for 3 months and feel horrible for being myself. I'm kind of done with that. If you don't like me, please click off - don't be a vulture. If you like my blog, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sticking with me. The past year has been hectic, and I'm glad you supported me.

I hope you'll stay around for NFR 2.0. :)

-Ž.